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[25 Apr 2005|01:15pm] [see gulliel] ((1)) | enthrall | disclaimer

[11 Feb 2005|10:59pm] I was here once before. Long ago writing feeling loving Then it all just seemed too much and keeping a journal, written in English to help myself improve, rather than in my native French, was just more than i could keep up at the time. I've returned for another try, now that i'm a bit older and wiser. i believe so anyway ((8)) | enthrall | disclaimer

My Way [17 Nov 2003|12:38am] I would like to be remembered as a man who had a wonderful time living life, a man who had good friends, fine family - and I don't think I could ask for anything more than that, actually. Frank Sinatra ((2)) | enthrall | disclaimer

today felt like a rupture in my system [06 Oct 2003|10:10pm] [ mood | empty ] i can't feel anything anymore. it's not fun; there's a ghoulish emptiness inside me and i can hardly summon up any emotion for anything. i don't get mad, i don't worry. i don't smile and i don't laugh. i don't whine. no i'm not whining. i'm just pointing it out. pointing out that there's nothing to talk about except the nothingness itself and that doesn't make for good entries so you can probably say this is a horrible entry. there. Next time I'll quote Byron ((2)) | enthrall | disclaimer

You filled me with a wild desire to know everything about life... [13 Sep 2003|12:45pm] ...For days after I met you, something seemed to throb in my veins. because on a day like this you can see for miles and miles and the sky that stretches up above like the taut skin of a drum a civilization centuries old had painted this brilliant blinding infinite blue -- if you willed it, you could drown. because on a day like this you can see for miles and miles ((maaliwalas)) and the sky that stretches up above like the taut skin of a drum a civilization centuries old had painted this brilliant blinding infinite blue -- if you willed it, you could drown. and those patches of iridescent sunlight that seem to have been painted onto cement and grass -- the heat will hit you like an itchy embrace -- a thousand prickly kisses all over your bare skin and you will smile and tilt your face up up up to a sun that may as very well be dead by now, but you wouldn't know? To get back to one's youth, one has merely to repeat one's follies. and so tonight, i will make mistakes. endless mistakes. endless beautiful and tragic and silly and laughable mistakes and i will tell you all about it. someday soon. ((2)) | enthrall | disclaimer

unspoken [30 Aug 2003|02:33pm] [ mood | romantic ] I wanted you to know you're not alone don't have to face your monsters on your own it's something I will never say and you will not admit, that's true but this my dear was written just for you ((4)) | enthrall | disclaimer

The Modern Fairytale [20 Aug 2003|02:47pm] [ mood | content ] I have a story, of a boy, looking much like me. He looks for someone. Somewhere Anywhere He finds no one Paris is too hot, so he leaves for London Slipping in and out of clubs, cringing in the loud music, drinking drinking The last club he stands at the bar and a beautiful Spanish girl comes to him smiling and whispers "Would you like to meet a Prince?" then laughs and dances away Remind me not, remind me not, Of those beloved, those vanish'd hours, When all my soul was given to thee; Hours that may never be forgot, Till time unnerves our vital powers, And thou and I shall cease to be. I follow and there he is. Smiling We have met before I say He smiles and remembers Can I forget --- canst thou forget, When playing with thy golden hair, How quick thy fluttering heart did move? Oh ! by my soul, I see thee yet, With eyes so languid, breast so fair, And lips, though silent, breathing love. Too loud in the club She dances away, holding onto him We leave My hotel The suite is large and beautiful, more so with them there. When thus reclining on my breast, Those eyes threw back a glance so sweet, As half reproach'd yet raised desire, And still we near and nearer prest, And still our glowing lips would meet, As if in kisses to expire. Drinking Kisses All three, for a moment, then she was asleep Small than we two, her head on his shoulder As he carried her to the bed And came back to me And then those pensive eyes would close, And bid their lids each other seek, Veiling the azure orbs below; While their long lashes darken'd gloss Seem'd stealing o'er thy brilliant cheek, Like raven's plumage smooth'd on snow. His eyes so blue..azure blue Smiling, kissing me, thinking he must give more Drinking with me and feeling A connection, a kinship in Byron Who would have guessed and we dance I dreamt last night our love return'd, And sooth to say, that very dream Was sweeter in its phantasy, Than if for other hearts I burn'd, For eyes that ne'er like thine should beam In rapture's wild reality. We kissed while we danced, long deep And then it was done and we sat, talking Until he left too Lulled by sleep and I watched him breathe Until I went too Then tell me not, remind me not, Of hours which, though for ever gone, Can still a pleasing dream restore, Till thou and I shall be forgot, And senseless, as the mouldering stone Which tells that we shall be no more. Once was not enough They woke up and we all had the morning meal together, before they left and waved Both kissing my cheek His eyes lingering, her smile knowing My heart wanting more ((20)) | enthrall | disclaimer

[19 Aug 2003|10:27pm] I am displeased with the weather in France, or so I was, until I decide to get on a plane and fly to London. It is where we will begin filming in a week or two and I must find a place anyway, so here I am in an all but empty flat in Knightsbridge with white white walls and wooden floors. I must get out before I cannot breathe, this room looks like an asylum right now. I am finding a club to spend my night in and maybe a young someone to spend it with...No names, no exchange, just a night and then goodbye I'm off ( The Wolf's Postscript to 'Little Red Riding Hood' ) ((1)) | enthrall | disclaimer

The objects in the rearview mirror... [19 Aug 2003|04:03pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] It's strange. I was remembering yesterday and it felt like what I had lived back in 1997, 1998, 1999... was a million years old. It all seemed that old. Even the year seems closer. Closer to my actual state of mind. Closer to myself. It feels like I am filling a bottomless sack in my life. I fill it with empty events and when I look there... There's nothing. Except for the year and some childhood events. What am I creating? Am I growing and/or developing into something? I have NOTHING. I have even less than I have like 2 years ago. And, why do I always feel pity for this life I am living, and yet I AM aware I will miss this time some years from now? I am empty. I feel empty. And, what's worse, I am too lazy to change it. Lazy or self-pitied. One life... We got to live as we choose. I will work and I will miss now later but for now I miss only before. Change is not my friend ((4)) | enthrall | disclaimer

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